Leah's Journal

Time heals everything. It's going to get better. I swear. Someday I wont feel the way I feel like I do right now. It'll happen. I have to be patient. Everything will fall in place.

I feel awful. Things need to get better. Really.

I just have to remember.. Time heals everything.

Dusk tonight. Good thing Stockton cancelled all it's morning classes tomorrow for advising! :)

So my 21st was a success. Brought the night in starting in philly.. roamed around drexel, u.penns and u.arts campus..then eventually made it back to rowan. The moroccan restaurant was delicious. Its off of south street, called marrakeesh. Frickin belly dancers, getting to eat with your hands.. 7 course meal. So much fun. Took forever to go through 7 courses though..we were there for at least 3 1/2 hours. Anyways, my actual birthday was brought in in AC of course. Had dinner at Cuba Libre.. it was alright, the mojitos were delicious! After that, made my way to Firewaters..so much fun.

Besides turning 21, i've been going out more. Tuesday after my 21st..met up with Greg at Sonsies cause he was DJ'n there. He got me and Courtney in VIP style at Dusk, which was cool. Then that Thursday, ended up at JDs and hung out with Courtney and Greg while he was DJn..again. haha

School has been exhausting lately and I'm lacking motivation. I am currently volunteering though with Heartland Hospice, and the experience so far has been..interesting but nice.
Oh well, I'm tired. That is all.

Today i'm getting hypnotized. Check back later to hear about the experience perhaps..

If only we could pull an Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind..and erase you. It'd be so much easier, but i feel like that's fuckin with fate in a way haha

"Breathe"

I see your face in my mind as I drive away,
Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way.
People are people,
And sometimes we change our minds.
But it's killing me to see you go after all this time.

Mmm mmm mmm
Mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm
Mmm mmm mmm
Mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm

Music starts playin' like the end of a sad movie,
It's the kinda ending you don't really wanna see.
Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down,
Now I don't know what to be without you around.

And we know it's never simple,
Never easy.
Never a clean break, noone here to save me.
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand,
And I can't,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to.

Never wanted this, never wanna see you hurt.
Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve.
But people are people,
And sometimes it doesn't work out,
Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out.

And we know it's never simple,
Never easy.
Never a clean break, no one here to save me.
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand,
And I can't,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to.

It's two a.m.
Feelin' like I just lost a friend.
Hope you know it's not easy,
Easy for me.
It's two a.m.
Feelin' like I just lost a friend.
Hope you know this ain't easy,
Easy for me.

And we know it's never simple,
Never easy.
Never a clean break, noone here to save me.

Ohhh

I can't,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to.

Sorry (oh) Sorry (mmm)
Sorry (eh eh) Sorry (mmm)
Sorry (eh eh) Sorry (mmm)
Sorry

Lets just say I hate this semester.

17 credits this semester.. 2 senior seminars, a biology course including lab, and intro to anthropology. Let me just also point out that Monday thru Friday, I have an 8:30am course. Let me just also point out that I really want to get into grad school so I am working my butt off for A's and B's this semester.

On top of the course work, I also work 20-25 hours a week at the bakery, and will be volunteering 30 hours through out this semester working with HOSPICE.

Did I also mention that I got into a car accident Friday?

And let me also point out that I am going to have to get an endoscopy done in October, cause you know I have the time for my stomach to give me problems! I fuckin just want to sleep until December.

I graduate in May. ah

Lets sum up this week...
I went vegetarian for a bit to try and get my burping under control.
Went to Blink 182 and got to go to their meet and greet. I couldn't believe that I met Mark, Tom and Travis. One of the best days of my summer for sure.

Nothing worth having in this world comes easy.

I have no words for what has happened in the last few days.

R.I.P Lee.

It's 3:10am... I have work at 6:30am.
Everyone should read "I Hope There's Beer In Hell" by Tucker Max. It's hilarious.

And that is all.

"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." -John Lennon

I gave in and made a twitter... Seamonkeyz8926 FOLLOW ME IF YOU ARE ON THERE! :)

anyways, last night I hung out with Dalessio and Joy. I keep telling Dalessio that we are going start an acoustic project..and it will be awesome lol. Yet, last night.. we all ended up just hanging around til 2am talking about Reeds Road, GTMS, and Gami days. haha funny where people end up and how far they go in and out of peoples lives, considering I've known Dalessio since.. Kindergarten! and Joy at least since like 4th or 5th grade. hah. I love my life right now. :) Minus the fact that July 4th marked 2 years of me being single. haha

Oh well.. I'm running on barely any sleep right now and had work at 6:30am-1pm today. I think a nap is in order.

So uhhh 4th of July was random. Ended up in some pit that was like literally in the woods of frickin Smithville.. saw Andrew North dance with fire.. Dalessio and Joy were there.. me and Jade lost our flip flops. And it was just so random. That's all i have to say.

Dalessio and I are going to start an acoustic project. This should be interesting.

So today, I worked til 1pm.. Then picked up Jade, and headed down to Stone Harbor to meet up with Kate. We decided to see My Sisters Keeper.. and omg I dont think I have ever cried so much in a movie theater.

The movie dealt with cancer and death and idk, it kinda just got me thinking about my mom and how much I miss her. I sometimes feel like if she were here, things would be better at home. But she's not, and if anything.. things are far from ok. Constant arguments over stupid shit consume this household and that's that. I want out so much.. but I know financially, it would not be a smart move...and who says I'd be any happier?
Nothing is ever guaranteed.

Another tangent really quick... It sucks when you realize someone you invested a good amount of time into for a good friendship.. truly doesn't care. It's hard to just sit here and watch them walk right out your life without a care in the world. And that's just how it feels right now.. because it's the truth and it's happening right before me. I never thought he'd be so far out of reach, but he is, and no one has a clue who I'm talking about but it's all good.

I just hope that with one departure, comes another arrival. I need something new and exciting. Most of all, I need something serious and not a joke, and worthy of my investment. If anything, I value a good friendship..but clearly a good friendship is hard to find if it hasn't already been established for the last 5 years.

So since my biology class has been over, i feel like I've been having a lot more fun. I finished biology with a C+ and it's lab with a B! I was very happy bout that. haha.. happy enough that I got so wasted the following Monday, with the most random people from my graduating class.. ever.. so weird. Anyways moving on..

I am taking another summer class, yet it's only once a week.. so it's really NOT that bad. I also have been working a shit load, but it's alright.. at the moment, I kinda want some more money to spend lol. Anyways, even though this summer has been an emotional rollercoaster ride, it's actually becoming one of the most fun summers I've had in a long time. Partially, probably because all my friends are now 21 pretty much, and I've been drunk more times then ever with them.. but hey whatever, i'm having a lot of fun right now and just enjoying being 20. So who cares..in the fall, I'll start caring more I guess..

I cant believe I'm graduating in May.. it's gonna come really fast, even though it seems so far away right now. And this Saturday is the 4th of July, which marks my 2 year anniversary of being single. I swear, if it wasn't on the 4th of July, I probably wouldn't remember that.. but hey, it's all good. It's been a fun 2 years of being single, but I hate to admit it, but I kind of want to get serious and want a relationship again. But at the same time, I have yet to find or come across any contenders of interest to try something serious with. Oh well.. I'm not looking, i'm just rolling with the punches anyways, I figure.. if I come across someone great and worthy, I'll just know instantly.

Anyways for 4th of July.. this is what the plans look like..
Thursday, July 2nd--Movies with Jade :)
Friday, July 3rd--Party for Jade in Philly!
Saturday, July 4th-- Work 1-7 with Caitlin
Sunday, July 5th--Sleep HOPEFULLY!

hmm I'm gonna try and update this thing more. lol

idk if this will make sense to anyone.. but my feelings and emotions have been so all over the place for the last month or so, that i'm beginning to feel numb to it all.